Do you believe in “love at first sight”? I didn’t, at least not since I was a young child, and I probably did then because when you’re young you believe just about anything, especially when everyone else seems to believe it.
When it comes to “love at first sight”, I remember as a child hearing adults talk about it and seeing it in movies and Disney cartoons … so naturally I believed it was a fact of life. By the time I reached the age of seven, I no longer believed in it.
Actually, I didn’t just stop believing in "love at first sight," but I lost my faith in marriage. I came to believe that, besides the love between a child and it’s parents and grandparents, no one really, truly loved anyone. How could I when it seemed that people who supposedly loved each other very much, tried their best to hurt each other?
By the time I was seven, I couldn’t even comprehend why anyone would want to get married. All married couples I knew seemed to fight a lot, and when they weren’t, they seemed to barely tolerate each other.
I remember being at a friend’s house once when his mom and dad got into a fight. I felt so weird being there and just wanted to leave, but felt like I couldn’t. I felt sorry for his mom because I couldn’t understand why his dad was being such an asshole.
It wasn’t so much the intense arguments I had witnessed that really jaded me, it was mostly the physical abuse and the cheating that led me to conclude there was no such thing as “happily ever after.”
I couldn’t then, and even to this day, understand what would make a man hit a woman … especially one he was suppose to love. I mean, outside her trying to kill him, I don’t think it’s justified. Then, the odds are, if she’s trying to kill him … it’s justified! -lol-
Of all the relationships I knew of when I was young, there is only a handful where I didn’t know of any cheating. I just couldn’t believe how many people cheated. It shocked me then and still does.
I knew of cheating in relationships in my own family, usually distant relatives that I really didn’t know of until they ended up staying at our house because of a divorce, and in the families of friends.
Most of the time, it was the guy that cheated, but there were several ladies I knew of that cheated … surprisingly more than I would have guessed. By my statistics, about 1 in 3 guys cheat, while 1 in 6 women cheat.
What I found most disturbing though was that it seemed whether if it was a man or woman that was cheating, the spouse being cheated on was one of the nicest people and most loyal spouses you could ever meet. I couldn’t understand how such nice, honest people usually ended up with such selfish, self-centered individuals … at least until I heard the theory of codependence and enabling.
Even though my definition of codependence is a little different from the traditional one, it still basically means that someone has an unhealthy dependence on someone … whether or not that person is good for them.
I mean, most of the time, a person has a dependence on someone that’s not good for them, which is why it’s such a problem, but sometimes a person is dependent on someone that really loves them and treats them great … which isn’t very good either because a person should be confident and self-assured.
How’s the old saying go? Something like, “You have to love yourself before you can TRULY love someone else.” Close enough.
So I guess my definition of codependence would imply that the unhealthy dependence a person has for another person is caused by low self-esteem, familiarity (you’ve been treated a certain way most of your life and that’s what you expect and are comfortable with), and in some cases … an unconscious desire for self-destruction.
One thing I find troubling is that most people in the type of relationship where they’re dependent on someone that’s not good for them, they honestly believe that they deserve it or that they don’t deserve any better, so they stick it out until the person they’re dependent on dumps them or until they realize that they do deserve better.
Anyway, by an early age, I stopped believing in “love at first sight.” I eventually concluded that it was impossible anyway. I asked myself, “How could anyone really love someone without knowing anything about them?” It didn’t make sense.
Honestly, how can you love someone without knowing them or anything about them? If it’s possible, then what is it about the person that you really love at first sight? Is it their intelligence, sense of humor, generous nature and Soul, or some other thing that you don’t yet know? <-- I’m being sarcastic.
Basically, my point is, how can you love someone without knowing them? If you don’t know them … then you don’t know anything about them. If you don’t know anything about them, then how can you love them?
For all you know, this person you love at first sight might have a lousy sense of humor, be a drug addict, or likes swinging kittens around and around by their tails.
So at an early age, I stopped believing in “love at first sight” and started believing in “lust at first sight.” Even though I couldn’t understand how someone could love someone without knowing anything about them, I could totally understand how someone would be physically attracted to someone at first sight.
I know that I’ve experienced “lust at first sight” about a bazillion times in my life, but I’m a guy … so that goes without saying.
I eventually came to conclude that people who thought they were experiencing “love at first sight” was actually just confusing “lust” and “love.” The fact that relationships based on “love at first sight” didn’t last, and sometimes ended with one or both parties having a strong dislike for the other, I thought just further substantiated my hypothesis.
So basically, before I was old enough to even know what love was, I lost my faith in it. I think my views on love at that time could best be summed up with one of Murphy’s Laws:
The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
At least that’s how it seemed things always went. It’s like I’d always see someone who was so in love with someone that didn’t feel as strongly as the first person. It’s like relationships always end up with one person doing most of the giving and one person doing most of the taking. I could never understand, and still don’t, why this seems to be the way it almost always ends up. Is it the Universe just balancing itself out?
Anyway, this negative, pessimistic view I had of love changed that fateful day I met Shahirah. That day began a journey of rediscovery … that sometimes I wish I had never embarked upon.
If you do believe in “love at first sight,” what do you call it when you fall in love with someone without seeing them or even hearing their voice? That’s what happened with Shahirah.
I met Shahirah online, on those MSN chat servers that used to be listed when you clicked on the chat icon under Internet Explorer in the Start Menu. We were the only two in the chat room and apparently she thought I was someone else.
I had just logged on and didn’t plan on being on long, was just killing time. When she found out I wasn’t whom she thought I was, I think she was going to leave, but I asked her if she wanted to talk. Why? I was too lazy to look for someone else! -lol-
Plus, we had the room to ourselves and I thought that it might be neat for a change to talk one on one like that.
Anyway, we talked for a few minutes. I don’t even think we exchanged any identifying information. We just basically started talking and we both got booted, something I remember those chat servers doing a lot back then.
I rushed back in and looked for her, but couldn’t find her. I was extremely disappointed.
Why?
At that time, I didn’t really know or wasn’t fully aware of why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I just remember feeling sick in the pit of my stomach and having this sense of urgency to find this person.
The truth is, in the back of my mind, I knew why I felt this way. I was in love!
How could this be? I don’t believe in “love at first sight,” let alone “love at no sight.” We only talked a few minutes at most and I didn’t know a damn thing about this person. Yet, I was hooked. My heart was hurting and I think I felt sick because it’s like I felt I lost something that was suppose to be.
Needless to say, I thought there wasn’t anything I could do and I was just about to disconnect from the Internet. Then something happened.
I know it sounds stupid, but I had this flash of something … maybe the future … I don’t know. The flash only lasted for a second, but I felt like years had passed. Now that’s when the disappointment I felt turned into urgency.
I didn’t know what to do or to make of what was happening to me. I honestly didn’t know what to do.
Again, I know this is going to sound stupid, but what I did next I don’t honestly believe came totally from me because it’s just not me!
I had just downloaded ICQ sometime before because of another great friend I met online, Yanti. I only used it to talk to her. For some reason, I thought maybe I could find this mystery girl on ICQ. It’s just like some higher force was directing me. It’s almost like I could hear the whispers in my ears encouraging me to look.
I opened up ICQ Whitepages, I think that’s what it was, and started to look. The only thing I had to go on was the chat name this girl used. Not very promising, huh?
I typed it in and got lots of results. Somehow, I narrowed it down to three. Of the three, only one was online. I knew the chances were slim, but I sent her a message that said …
You have sent a message! I was X-Man on MSN chat. I don't know if it was you I was talking to, but I got disconnected and was kind of disappointed I didn't get to know you better.
That was sent on 4/4/2000 at 8:55 AM.
Here’s the conversation that followed …
Me: You have sent a message! So, was it you?
Her: You have received a message! Oh alright......I remember you now....
I'm sorry hon but I gotta go...I'll be back in about half an hour or so.....if you wanna talk, we'll talk then 'kay?
Me: You have sent a message! That's okay.... I have to go too, I just wanted to talk to you sometime and I was afraid I'd forget your Nickname.
Her: You have received a message! :o) I'll see you around then hon....
Me: You have sent a message! Okay, hope so. Bye.
Her: You have received a message! bye...don't miss me! -lol-
Me: You have sent a message! LOL... okay.
That was our second conversation, the first was just as short. What’s funny is that looking back, I now see where I got the “-lol-“. OMG! I can’t believe that’s where I picked that up. That’s so weird.
What’s really weird is that I was actually able to find her. What are the odds?
Another strange thing is that after I found her, I couldn’t believe what I had done. That whole time, during the quest to find her, I didn’t even feel like I was in my body. I felt like I had no control over it.
Then once it was all over, I found myself back in my body, and feeling pretty stupid. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Me, someone that doesn’t believe in love, tracking someone down based on an intense feeling of … LOVE!!!
There was a part of me that hated myself for being so damn stupid. But there was a part of myself that felt absolutely amazing … which made that other side of myself hate myself even more for being so damn naïve.
That more grounded side thought, “Well, at least now I can talk to her and the faster I get to know her, the faster I can find out I can’t stand her.” I really believed it was inevitable. The more you get to know someone, the more you’ll grow to dislike them. I really believed that and was counting on it.
But that didn’t happen. The more I talked to her, the more in love I fell. I couldn’t understand it. There was nothing special about this person, but she was the most special person in the world to me.
I remember when we first exchanged photos; I was hoping I’d get a photo of a one-eyed girl, with no teeth, and a hunchback because I didn’t want to feel what I was feeing. When I saw her photo, I was staring at the most beautiful person I had ever saw.
In retrospect, I now realize that she could have been that one-eyed girl, and I probably would have felt the same way. I now realize that the reason she was so beautiful to me was because of what I was feeling.
Not to say she’s not beautiful, but what separates one beautiful person from the next? I see people out on a daily basis who is just as physically stunning, but why did she stand out so much? It had to be because of what I felt for her! Right?
Anyway, the more we talked, the more I fell in love. The more I fell in love, the more my heart hurt. The more my heart hurt, the more I didn’t want to be in love … but I was.
What’s worse is that I knew I could never tell her.
Needless to say, we both eventually found out how the other felt. I think she could tell how I felt, and I think was feeling the same way, and she finally got it out of me.
Once while talking, like 6 – 8 months after we first met, she says that she has to go and ends by saying, “I love you.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted nothing more than to say those words to her, but here’s my chance to say them and I’m hesitating. Finally, I conclude I can’t leave her hanging like that so I say, “Love you too.”
The next time we talk, same thing happens in the same exact way, except this time when I said it back to her, she asks, “What do you mean by that?”
First, I was shocked considering that she said it first. I felt like saying, “What the hell did you mean?”
Anyway, my mind was scrambling for what to say. I promised myself to never let her know. I was about to say something like, “I just mean I love you as a friend or person, silly.”
But as soon as I go to say it, once again, I felt like something took me over. Instead, what came out of my mouth was the truth. I think it went something like, “I was just about to lie to you, but the truth is, I’ve been in love with you since we first talked.”
I think I slapped myself for being so stupid! I honestly thought I’d never hear from her again. Like George Costanza said in an episode of Seinfeld, “No one wants to be with someone that loves them!”
-lol-
Instead, she reveals she has feelings for me as well. I was so excited. I wanted to meet up, get married, and spend the rest of my life loving her. I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life, trying to make this person I loved so much and so deeply as happy as I could.
That lasted for about a few seconds and then reality set in and I knew it would never be. I knew in my heart that what we had would never be anything more. There were just too many obstacles.
Not to spoil the ending to this little story, but that feeling turned out to be pretty much true.
We did get closer, lots closer. The closer we got, the more scared I got because I just knew it was never going to be. I kept falling more and more in love, and my heart just hurt more and more. That’s when I realized that no matter what happens, I’m going to get hurt.
It didn’t matter if we married and spent the rest of our lives together; I knew that everyday my heart was going to hurt because as close as we could get, it’d never be close enough. The love I felt for her was like nothing I had ever felt before.
Have you ever been so in love with someone that for all you care the rest of the opposite sex could be the same sex? You love this one person so much that you find yourself not checking out other men/women? You have such strong feelings for this one person that you know only they can satisfy your every desire and be the only one to give your heart some much needed relief?
Everything about Shahirah made my senses come alive. Every single sense I had seemed to become super heightened. I was so in love that the mere thought of her touch would make my skin feel electrified. The thought of her smell, the smell of her hair and skin, made my nose tingle. The thought of her beautiful voice and sweet laugh made my ears strain. The thought of the taste of her kiss made my lips quiver and tongue salivate. The thought of her image made my eyes long to see the real thing.
There’s not one thing about her that I could imagine finding fault with and there was not one thing about her that did not turn me on in a major way. It’s like every part of me craved every part of her, and I didn’t think I could ever get enough.
It’s like I’d use any excuse to have physical contact with her. I’d gladly massage her neck, shoulders, back, or cute lil’ feet … not to just make her feel better … but to also have that physical contact. In a way, it’d be almost as pleasurable for me to give, as it would be for her to receive.
I also knew that the simplest things she could do would take me out of this world. It’s like, the simple act of holding hands would be enough to make my heart skip beats and take my breath. Now with most people there’d come a time where holding hands wouldn’t have that same feeling attached to it. When it came to Shahirah, however, I knew that 100 years from now I’d get that same feeling even if our hands just brushed against each other.
That’s how much she physically, mentally, emotionally, and Spiritually turned me on.
There's a song that reminded me so much of how I felt about her.
I Miss You by Incubus
To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real. To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream. You do something to me that I can't explain. So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you. (?)
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine. You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away. I know I'll see you again, whether far or soon. But I need you to know that I care ... and I miss you! That's how I knew I'd feel every day, even if she was constantly by my side. -sigh-
Tasha, my younger sister, once told me while driving somewhere, “I just can’t believe it.”
“What,” I asked.
“Not to be mean,” she said, “but I didn’t think you could love anyone. You always came off so cold and acted like you didn’t care anything about love and relationships and now … now you’re the most romantic guy I know. It’s just hard to believe.”
I said, “I fell in love.”
She asks me, “What’s so special about her that you became a totally different person?”
I replied, “I don’t know. My rational, logical mind says there’s nothing special about her. She’s just another person that’s no better and no worse than anyone else. But my heart, it sees her as one of the most special people … and I don’t know why. My heart, it knows. That’s all I can say.”
“I just want you to know, “ I continued, “that I may have appeared cold and unromantic and like I didn’t care, but that doesn’t mean that’s how I really felt. Deep down, I want to believe in love more than anyone, but it’s hard to when I’ve never known anyone to make it work. Maybe that’s why my heart sees her as special, because she was able to open it up and bring out what was already hidden there.”
Anyway, I was right, in the end I did get hurt. She broke my heart. She went off to college and like most people, changed radically. I don’t know if it’s the freedom of being away from everyone that you know (which most people use to define who they are) that causes this urge to let loose and see who else you can be, but whatever it was, it helped her see that she didn’t care anything about me.
She said that I was her best friend and hoped we’d always stay friends. I did too. I mean, it seemed impossible that we not at least be friends. This is someone I loved dearly and someone that I thought at one time had felt the same. So of course we’d always be friends.
Then she proved to me time and again that we weren’t even friends. I remember we went like two months without talking, even though she said she tried calling several times. When I finally call her, after her making me feel guilty when she finally caught me online, she blows me off … like every time I called.
I was thinking, "I stop bothering to keep in touch with you because you always make me feel unwanted and like a nuisance, but then you make me feel guilty so that I go out of my way to call and show you I AM trying … and once again you make me feel like you’re the one being inconvenienced. What the hell?"
It’s like every time I lowered my pride enough to call her and see how she was doing; she’d blow me off. I don’t think she ever talked to me for more than a few minutes on the phone, and rarely online.
But if I didn’t call, she’d make me feel guilty. I came to the conclusion that either she was just playing a game with me, maybe she was just really messed up and didn’t know what the hell she wanted, or was sick and only wanted something when she didn’t have it.
Anyway, it really hurt to be treated that way. I mean, she’d blow me off to do something with people she didn’t know very long. I wouldn’t have done that for her, I always put her first and pissed a lot of people off because of it.
The truth is, I didn’t want her to blow off her new friends for me, I just wanted to know that she would have … at least once. That’s all I needed. Had she shown me that once, I would have graciously told her I appreciate it and then encouraged her to go out with her friends … but she never showed that she cared even that much.
To make things worse, when we did talk, she’d say things that would just further show how much she didn’t care. There were a few things she said that hurt so much. The worst was when she denied saying things that she had said and that I had proof of in the form of emails, letters, and gifts and such.
The reason that hurt so much was because it was like her telling me that she wished she had never said or thought those things.
I was about to give up, was very determined to try and forget her, but for some reason … I gave her a little more time. She was going through a very bad time, which made me feel sorry for her, and I think I just wanted to make sure she was going to be okay.
Even though her actions and words made me feel unwanted, I loved her and wanted her to be happy. I knew if I quit talking to her at such a troubled time in her life that it would be next to impossible to not think and not worry about her.
I tried doing a few things to make her feel better, but they didn’t help and she really didn’t seem to care. I sent her a single rose for “Sweetest Day” with a card that said something like, “You may never be my Valentine again, but you’ll always be my Sweetie. I hope this helps make your day a little brighter.”
I was really trying to reach out to her and let her know that I wanted to be there for her and that I wasn’t expecting anything from her other than friendship. Apparently, she didn’t care. All she said when we talked next after she got the rose was something like, “Oh, I got the flower you sent. Thanks.” That was it!
Don’t get me wrong, an acknowledgement is really the least I expect, and that’s only so I know that the person got what I sent … so I know if I need to raise hell with the company I used for screwing up my order.
It’s just that in this case, I was looking for something more. First, I was hoping that the fact that I went out of my way to make her feel Special and to let her know I still care very much about her even though we weren’t getting along that great would help put her into a better mood than she had been in for a long while.
Secondly, I think I was looking for some indication that she still saw me as a friend and that she cared. Instead, her lack of enthusiasm made me feel like a second-rate acquaintance.
Some time later, when I talked to her friend, Vishali, on the phone, she brought up the flower I sent Shahirah. I guess she was there the day she got it. She told me how beautiful it was and gave me a good description of what it looked like and what had happened, and I remember thinking to myself that I wish I had sent it to her because she didn’t get it and she seemed to appreciate more than the person that did.
Plus, Vishali made me feel so much better because she told me that it did make Shahirah’s day a little happier. I muttered, “I wouldn’t have known it from her.”
I think that was the last time I talked to Vishali. I’ve felt bad ever since because I promised to call her the following week, and I wanted to, but I knew eventually Shahirah would come up as a topic since that was the main thing we had in common … and I had already made up my mind for like a month at that point not to bother talking to her (Shahirah) again.
It was hard enough to make that decision, so I didn’t want to hear anything about her, especially anything that would make me worry. I just wanted to forget her and I knew talking to Vishali, that wouldn’t be possible. So on the day I was supposed to call her (Vishali), I think I went deer hunting.
One of the things Vishali asked when we talked that I didn’t get to answer, and was trying to avoid talking about, she asked, “So how did you and Shahirah meet? How long have you known each other?” That’s when I knew if I wanted to forget Shahirah and not hear anything new about her, I had to stop talking to the people who knew her.
There was one person I couldn’t stop talking to completely though, Shahirah’s mom, Maria. I really like Maria because she has always been nice to me and has been more understanding than I could have ever imagined. That really surprised me.
I really think she knew how hurt I felt and she shared a little with me when she had been hurt … and that made me feel better to know I wasn’t alone. She could also make me laugh, something I needed a lot at that time.
Plus, I always told Shahirah that her mom had a really nice voice, so that’s always good enough reason to talk to her. -lol- I don’t know what it is about it, it’s just different. Even Vishali had a really nice voice. She was also really easy to talk to because she made you feel like you knew each other for a long while. That’s another reason I feel bad for just stopping talking to her and not even bothering to offer an explanation. -sigh-
Sheesh … got way off on a tangent there!
Anyway, every time Shahirah and me would talk, she would just prove to me more and more how little she cared. I tried to make it clear to her that if this continued between us … there was going to be no us.
At first, I would just hint at it. Like once when she was blowing me off after only talking for like a minute, I sarcastically said, “At this rate, by next year, we won’t be talking any more.” I was basically trying to give her a clue. What’s even more telling is that she didn’t say anything about it. She didn’t dismiss it in anyway.
I mean, had she said, “Don’t be silly … you can’t get rid of me that easy!” or something like it … I would have at least felt that she was paying attention to what was happening and that she might actually care if we did stop talking. Instead, her lack of concern just further made me feel she could care less.
I even made that same remark to two of her friends when I talked to them online. Usually, one of the first things they would bring up would be Shahirah, probably because she was something we had in common. That’s when I would say that we hadn’t talked much in a long time and at the rate things were going … we wouldn’t be talking at all.
What’s funny is that I think they knew that too. One of them, unintentionally, really helped confirm what I was feeling. I got the feeling that even she thought Shahirah wasn’t the same person and therefore, didn’t feel the same way about certain things in her life.
Then I got to the point where I just flat out told her (Shahirah) what I was thinking. I didn’t just include what I expected from her as a friend, but I told her what I really wanted between the two of us. I told her I didn’t expect her to feel the same way, but thought I’d try one last time and that at the very least I did expect certain things from her as a friend and if she couldn’t provide them … then maybe she could at least provide an explanation so I wouldn’t feel I was being played with or used.
All she did was cry and say, “I can’t talk about this!”
I think that was the last time we talked. I felt bad for her. It broke my heart to hear her cry, but she didn’t care that my heart was breaking. She didn’t care that all I was looking for from her was just something to let me believe she never lied to me about how she felt. She didn’t care if she said something to hurt me. She couldn’t put her feelings aside once to address mine. I couldn’t even understand what she was crying about. She was supposedly in a happy relationship, so I concluded that it was me.
I made up my mind there to not talk to her again. I thought, “If I make her cry every time I talk to her, then she’s better off without me in her life anyway.” Plus, I thought I’d take her own advice.
For years, she would say things like …
“I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve better than me.”
“You’d be better off without me.”
“You should just forget about me.”
Once, while we were talking and I thought things were going fine, she started crying and said, “Why do you love me so much? Please stop loving me!”
I was shocked and hurt. It hurt to know that my love seemed to be causing her pain. It’s not exactly what someone wants to hear. All I could say was something like …
“I can’t help the way I feel about you. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but don’t ask me to stop loving you because I can’t. I didn’t choose to start loving you, so I can’t choose to stop.”
Anyway, I decided that she was better off without me and I think that’s what she really wanted … so I also finally took her advice.
It’s been almost a year since we last talked and I was hoping that I’d know by today if I wanted to get back in touch with her or not because today is her birthday.
There’s that part of me that still wants her to know that I still care and wish her the best, but there’s that part of me that just wants to leave things as is. I guess I’m afraid even just wishing her a “Happy Birthday” might reopen old wounds.
I mean, I don’t know how she feels about us not talking because we haven’t been talking, but I know I’m at a place where I feel comfortable. I guess I feel free. Free of the pain of being hurt because of the love I had for her, free of her hurting me, and free of worry since I don’t know anything that’s been going on in her life in the last year. It’s easy to just pretend that she’s very happy … especially if I don’t know otherwise.
I’ve thought that maybe I could just send her an e-mail or an online greeting wishing her a “Happy Birthday” and just leave it at that, but I have a feeling I won’t be able to leave it at just that.
I mean, I don’t want to send her an e-mail that she might reply to that would require me to reply back to, which I don’t because all I wanted to do was just wish her “Happy Birthday,” and then she think I’m a jerk because I didn’t reply to her mail.
-sigh-
I’m so confused! I so wanted to know what to do, to have an answer by now, so I could wish her a “Happy Birthday” while it’s still her birthday … but I just don’t know what would be best.
Part of me thinks maybe I should just log into MSN Messenger right now and send a quick message wishing her “Happy Birthday.” I’m sure she’s on right now and once I’m logged on, I’ll have to say something, so it’ll be a way of forcing myself.
What to do? What To DO? WHAT TO DO?
I’m tired, so maybe I’ll just sleep on it and have my answer by tomorrow … err … today. It’ll still technically be her birthday … so at the very least I can still send her a mail or online card if I come to that conclusion.
Too bad I don't have her mobile number, I could just text message her.
Well, I’m really tired now, so I’m off to bed. Maybe things will seem clearer after a good nights sleep.
Maybe.
But before I go, I’ll answer the question I posed at the beginning of this post.
Do I, now after having this experience, believe in “love at first sight?”
Yes I do. I really do. Even though no sight was involved, I did experience that feeling of loving someone at first contact. I don’t remember who said it, but I heard someone describe “love at first sight” perfectly. It went something like this:
“Love at first sight is when two Souls communicate everything there is to know about each other in a few seconds and that leaves you wanting to spend the rest of your life relearning what you just learned.”
I think that describes perfectly what I felt the first time I talked to Shahirah.
Unfortunately, even though I’m back to believing in “love at first sight,” I have once again lost my faith in love. It’s not that I don’t believe in love … I do. I just don’t believe people are capable of staying in love. Maybe we just live too long to love someone forever.
Even though I don’t believe in other peoples’ ability to love, if nothing else, meeting Shahirah allowed me to discover the amazing love that exists in my own Heart … the only place I can be for sure that it really exists. For that, I am thankful to her.
Do I believe love can ever work? I’ll sum up my answer to that question with a quote.
“A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.” -- Oscar Wilde
