Met a girl, thought she was grand Fell in love, found out first hand Went well for a week or two Then it all came unglued
In a trap, tripped, I can't grip Never thought I'd be the one who’d slip Then I started to realize I was living one big lie
[Chorus] She fuckin' hates me Trust She fuckin' hates me La la la love I tried too hard And she tore my feelings like I had none And ripped them away
She was queen for about an hour After that, shit got sour She took all I ever had No sign of guilt No feeling of bad, no!
In a trap, tripped, I can't grip Never thought I'd be the one who’d slip Then I started to realize I was living one big lie
[Chorus] She fuckin' hates me Trust She fuckin' hates me La la la love I tried too hard And she tore my feelings like I had none And ripped them away
That's my story, as you see Learned my lesson and so did she Now it's over, and I'm glad 'Cause I'm a fool for all I said
[Chorus] She fuckin' hates me Trust She fuckin' hates me La la la love I tried too hard And she tore my feelings like I had none And ripped them away
La la la la la la la la la love Trust la la la la la la la la la love Trust
la la la la la la la la la love
And she tore my feelings like I had none
la la la la la la la la la love
Trust She fuckin' hates me!!
I never got a reaction...
Today started off with being woke up several times by different people.
The thing is, I had a chiropractic appointment at 5 p.m. today because I did something to my lower back and it’s really been killing me for the last several months. I can’t even sleep hardly because I wake up like every 20 minutes to change position because my back is killing me.
So finally, on Tuesday, I made an appointment. Actually, I had my “Secretary of Appointments” (i.e. … my mommy) make the appointment for me.
Everyone knowing how I am (or assuming how I am) kept waking me up to remind me I had an appointment.
First, around 1 p.m., my Grandpa comes in, wakes me up, and says, “Your mom says to be getting up so you’re not late for your appointment.”
Next, around 2 p.m., Mom calls to see if I’m awake because I asked her to the night before since I knew I probably wouldn't get in until late. I tell her I have my cell phone’s alarm clock set. She pleads, “Just don’t oversleep and miss it!” I assured her I wouldn’t. She asks, “Will you call me when you get up so I know?” I told her I would (even though I didn’t) and went back to sleep for another hour.
My aunt and uncle must have stopped by because next, my aunt comes in and says, “Your mom said you have an appointment today so you better be getting up.”
I was like, “I know.”
After falling back asleep, my uncle comes in and says, “Your mom wants you to get up for your appointment because she knows how long it takes you to get ready.”
I thought to myself, “All I have to do is get up, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I took a bath this morning before catching some shut eye!” I groaned and rolled back over and went to sleep.
I did eventually get up around 3:30 p.m., after about 5 hours of sleep!
I’m assuming that my Mom told my Grandpa to make sure I do get up and he probably told my aunt and uncle that I wasn’t getting up … and that’s why they tried.
The thing is, I found the whole ordeal amusing. I had 4 people treating me like I was a little kid. I loved it!! It’s awesome when without even asking, people take time to see that you get something done. I mean, I imagine if it were possible, someone would have gone to the appointment for me. How many people in the world have that luxury?
The truth is, it wasn’t done so much for me as it was for Mom. Everyone loves Mom to death so they’re doing her a favor by making sure I get my ass up in time.
***This will come into play again a little later in my story for today.***
Anyway, while getting ready for my appointment, I missed a call on my mobile phone. It was “Unavailable,” so I figured it was probably Shahirah, but still had my doubts because I couldn’t figure what she’d still be doing awake at 4 a.m. when she has to work the next day. She’s the type of person that absolutely needs her sleep!
Since I had about 10-15 minutes to kill before I had to leave, I thought I’d see if she was online. To my surprise, she was.
I only talked to her for maybe 5 – 10 minutes, but probably more like 7 or 8 minutes.
Just seconds before I sat down at the computer, I was outside and it was an absolutely beautiful day. It was so nice that my Grandpa was out mowing.
It was bright and sunny and the sky was blue and filled with big, white, puffy clouds. It was a really nice day.
In the few minutes I was talking to Shahirah, it got really dark out and we were hit with a big storm.
The wind was howling and you could feel the thunder rumbling through the ground. The lightning was frequent and the rain … well … it was raining horses and cows.
The electric went out and my UPS shut down my computer. The electric came back on and as soon as I logged back into MSN Messenger … it went back out and my UPS shut down my computer again.
I didn’t even bother to try again when the electric came back on, which is good, because in the next few minutes before I left … it went out and came back on at least another five times.
The few steps I have to take out of the garage to my vehicle got me soaked! That’s how hard it was raining.
Then while driving to my appointment, the wind kept pushing my vehicle into the other lane. Not like totally into the other lane because I’d of course take corrective action, but I imagine it could have had I done nothing.
The wind and the rain weren’t the only obstacles. I encountered many tree limbs on the roads on my way to my appointment. Most of them were really small in diameter though, even if they were really long … so that was a good thing.
By the time I got to the chiropractor, the rain started slacking off.
As soon as I got in the building and signed in, I was taken back to one of the rooms.
After the Doc came in, I told him why I was there, and he checked my alignment … he performed an adjustment with me lying on my sides and twisting me in two different directions. I’m sure it has a name, but I’m not a chiropractor.
He said my lumbar region was out pretty good.
He told me, “Put ice on it at least twice a day for 20 minutes each and next time … don’t wait so long to come in!”
On our way out the door, he added, “I want to see you in here again after the weekend. I also want you to drink more water.”
Then he told one of the women to give me “ultrasound therapy.” I guess it’s supposed to increase blood flow to the area or something.
Apparently by waiting so long, the muscles around the affected area compensates and then become really inflamed. I can honestly say from the waist up, I feel like I have something tight around my lower back. That’s my muscles! Well, in this case, they feel like once big, tight muscle.
After paying and making an appointment for Tuesday, I left to meet my Mom and my Grandpa at the Olive Garden. My Grandpa was already there and they were closed because apparently their electric was out.
We decided to go to Ruby Tuesday, where I got the "Alpine Swiss Burger" … it was pretty good. By the time we left the restaurant, it was pretty nice out. It was wet and a little cool, but other than that, it was pretty decent.
After the restaurant, Mom and me went to Starbucks. I actually got a "Grandé White Chocolate Mocha" with 2 Splenda. I wanted something hot to take the chill off. My shirt was still a little damp.
We came back here and when Mom was getting ready to go home, I asked her if she’d go to Wal-Mart with me to pick up a few things. Zach, who finally made it home (seems like he’s always at his girlfriend’s), wanted to go too.
On our way home from Wal-Mart, I went through the drive-thru at “Starbucks” to get a "Venti Shaken Passion Iced Tea Lemonade." Zach didn’t want anything.
I got my money out, but when I got to the window, as the guy hands me my drink, he says, “Chantal (?) said you’re not paying tonight.” Then before I could say anything, he handed me a "Tall White Chocolate Mocha" with Zach’s name on it and says, “And she made this for your little brother.”
I was like, “Well, actually, he’s my nephew.”
I saw Chantal (?) and waved and thanked her.
As I was driving off, I turn to Zach and say, “Who says my looks can’t buy me things?”
He laughs.
Half joking, I add, “Wow, I must look pretty damn good for her to think you’re my little brother!”
Zach says, “Yeah, most people think you’re my dad.”
He went to take a drink of his mocha and said, “She even wrote my name on it.”
I was like, “I know.”
He added, “But she spelled it with a ‘k,’ but that’s okay. I can’t believe she not only remembered what I like to drink, but also my name.”
When Mom calls me later, I tell her, “You won’t believe this, but I didn’t pay for my drink earlier.”
With a sense of dread, she asks, “Why?”
I said, “Well, when the guy handed it to me, I drove off because I thought I already paid him.”
Concerned, she asked, “You did go back though, right?”
Hesitantly, I replied, “Well, I didn’t realize it until I was already a few minutes away and didn’t want to go back because I didn’t want to look stupid.”
Upset, she says, “But it’s okay to look like a thief? Now tomorrow I’ll have to make a special trip to go pay for it.”
Defensively, I added, “Don’t worry about, if they ever say anything, I’ll just be like, ‘What!? Really? I didn’t pay? I thought I did. I’m so sorry!’ I’m sure they won’t even remember.”
Really frustrated, she says, “I can’t believe you!”
I started laughing, which gave me away, but to be absolutely sure … she demanded, “Tell me the truth, did you pay for it?”
I finally told her what happened.
After telling her the whole story, she says, “Well, that was nice of her.”
I added, “It had nothing to do with being nice, people just want to do things for me for some reason. I don’t know why, but everywhere I go, I get treated like a celebrity. It must be my good looks.”
Laughing, Mom says, “I’m sure that’s the reason.”
***Here it is.***
Truthfully, I said, “Actually, I think she didn’t charge because of you. She really seems to like you … like everyone else does! I mean, every time we go in, she says, ‘Hi Kathy!’ I never hear my name.”
Mom says, “Oh, she likes you ... and Zach too.”
Sarcastically, I reply, “Yeah … because we’re related to YOU!”
Pretending to be full of herself, she asks, “How does it feel to have a mom that everyone loves?”
I reply, “Pretty good … especially if it gets me free things.”
Anyway, after my conversation with Mom, I wrote an e-mail to Shahirah to let her know what happened earlier. I just wanted her to know I didn’t just sign out and leave like a rude jerk.
The thing is, it doesn’t matter because it seems like it’s always a “no win” situation with her. If I don’t explain myself, she might think I was being rude and even joke about it with me and act all hurt, which makes me feel bad.
But if I do explain myself, she’ll say it was no big deal and probably wonder why the hell I’m explaining myself.
I guess the reason I feel that way is because, back when there were feelings of more than friendship between us (at least on my part), there were lots of times I thought she might be joking about something and she’d be dead serious and get upset.
So, I guess since I cared for her, I didn’t want to make her upset and I got used to explaining (or at least trying to explain) myself. I mean, I always found it so frustrating to care about someone so much that it kills you, but it’s like they didn’t know it because they couldn’t even give you the benefit of their doubt.
I mean, what’s the point in caring so much if the other person doesn’t seem to know it?
Anyway, it’s like in an instance like that, instead of thinking, “He loves me so much so there must be some miscommunication between us for him to think I’m joking,” it’s like she’d think, “I knew that bastard didn’t care for me! He’s not even paying attention to what I have to say!”
-sigh-
Sometimes I wonder how long we can be friends.
I guess as long as we’re half the world apart and barely ever talk … it could go on indefinitely.
It’s so hard though sometimes, when conflicting feelings arise.
It’s like the few minutes I talked to her online today, next to her name on Messenger, it said, “Someone Just Kill Me I HATE YOU for comin’ into my life!” I think that’s what it said.
Anyway, when I asked her about it, she wouldn’t say anything.
I mean, unless it’s the lyrics to a song, it must be directed towards someone. Even then, the lyrics must have a significant meaning to her and again … I would assume applies to a specific person.
So why does that bother me?
Honestly, because I KNOW it’s not directed at me!
That probably sounds stupid, but think about it.
My main problem with her is that I can’t let myself believe she ever felt anything for me, at least beyond friendship. It was her words and actions in the last few years that brought me to that realization. She’d probably say otherwise, but that’s just because she’s confused or telling me what she thinks I want to hear.
So, whoever that quote is directed at, it would mean that she HATES them because she CARED so PASSIONATELY for them and can’t imagine having that person in her life unless it’s the way she wants them. Basically, that person would have made her feel so SPECIAL that she wouldn’t want to live without that person loving her in that way.
So yeah, if it was directed at me, then I could feel that maybe I’m wrong and maybe my love for her did matter a lot to her and that most of all … SHE ACTUALLY DID REALLY FEEL THE WAY SHE SAID SHE DID.
But it’s not directed at me! Instead, it’s directed at some other guy that’s more deserving of her hate, which pisses me off!
I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but in this case, to be hated would be a good thing.
Think about it. Hate can be a very passionate emotion. You can hate the thing you love most because even though it can be great, it can also feel like a curse.
So apparently, there’s someone she hates because she really cared for them so much … lucky bastard. I wish she’d hate me!
No! Instead, she wants to be “friends” with me. Big fucking deal! I don’t need any more friends.
I’d honestly prefer she hate my guts and we never speak again because I could go on thinking, “Wow, she loved me so much that she hates me!”
Instead, I’m left thinking, “I’m so much of a fucking nice guy that she sees me as a girlfriend!”
FUCK!
I actually had a woman tell me that once. She matter-of-factly stated, “You’re too nice! The only women you’re ever going to get that way are the young, naïve, idealistic ones or the ones that have been with so many assholes that they want a nice guy.”
Sarcastically, I asked, “So are you saying I shouldn’t be myself and instead be like most other guys and show women no respect and just see them as someplace I can stick my dick?”
Smiling, she replied, “Now you’re catching on!”
Actually, she had a lot of great advice that made so much sense. I learned a lot about how the female mind works. It’s kind of disturbing actually because it seems women don’t really want a relationship … they want the illusion of a relationship with a lot of drama.
Here’s some of her advice:
- First off, don’t get yourself put in the “friends” category because once you’re there, it’s almost impossible to get out. Women stop seeing you as a guy once you’re in that category and women don’t think about fucking their girlfriends. So if you must, be a dick, but be a charming dick.
- Whether it’s on a date or subsequent encounters, slowly reveal things about yourself that shows her you’re really not a dick and that you’re actually someone she could care about.
- Never reveal too much and always leave her wanting to know more.
- Never say “I love you” more than she does. In fact, deliberately avoid saying it to her sometimes when she says it to you. People cherish rare things and if you say it too much, the words will mean less to her. (I’m guilty of that! I even told Shahirah that I don’t like saying it so much because I think it cheapens it, but I did anyway because I felt I had to say it when she’d say it.)
- Create drama because women are drama queens and even though idealistically they want a perfect guy … more than that they want someone they can bitch and complain about sometimes to their girlfriends when they’re not singing your praises and telling them how lucky they really are to have you.
You know what, I’m going to end there before I get too jaded.
Women say they don’t want to play games, but apparently they’re full of shit!
I’m in a bad mood now, so I’m going to end here!
FUCK!
UPDATE:
I was just lying in bed with an ice pack on my back watching Zach play “Halo 2” on Xbox Live when I thought I heard my phone ring in the other room (this room). Zach muted the TV but we didn’t hear anything.
If it was ringing, I figured it must have stopped.
As I was about to tell Zach to turn the TV back up, I heard it start ringing again. I jumped up (which wasn’t good on my back), ran in here, picked up the phone and said, “Hello? Hello?”
Whoever it was hung up on me.
I checked my “Missed Calls” and I had an “Unavailable” call at 12:06 a.m.
I checked my “Received Calls” and had another “Unavailable” at 12:07 a.m. It said the call lasted 2 seconds. Long enough to say “Hello” twice, apparently.
I signed into Messenger and both Shahirah and her Mom were online. I asked Shahirah if she called, but she didn’t answer, probably because her status was “Away.” I tried talking to her Mom, but she didn’t respond either.
If it wasn't them, then ... could it be?
Anyway, Shahira was online too, but apparently she didn’t see me because she didn’t say anything. I was going to say something to her, but thought I’d give her a break and not bug her at work. Plus, Zach was yelling for me to come see something.
I came back in to add this update, but checked my e-mail first, and found Shahirah already replied to my mail from earlier.
I was right. I knew if I explained myself, she’d make me feel like no explanation was needed.
You know, it’d be nice if she’d be playful sometimes. I know she can be playful, but she rarely ever is … at least with me. It would have been nice to read something like, “Yeah … you better send an e-mail explaining why you left without saying goodbye. Since you had a good reason, I’ll forgive you this time … but don’t let it happen again!”
Or even, “D’uh! I knew you must have been having trouble with your connection because I know you wouldn’t leave someone as beautiful as myself unless it was out of your control.”
I wonder if we'll ever have that vibe between us?
Anyway, as my “Secretary of FIFA,” she did inform that the United States is out of the World Cup Championship.
That sucks!
Although, the fact that we (USA) still dominate in the 3 sports we created (Baseball, Football, Basketball), makes me feel good. I have heard, however, that the Japanese, Mexicans, and even Cubans are getting really good at baseball.
