| Past Grievances |
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What's that feeling?
What the hell is wrong with me?
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 |
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You Don't Gnome Me!
Today was my second chiropractic appointment. I was actually early too! What the hell is wrong with me?
Anyway, the Doc checked my alignment and gave me the same type of adjustment. He said he’d leave it up to me to decide whether or not I need to come back since I seemed to be doing really well.
While there, I asked him about my shins and he confirmed that it sounds like “shin splints.” He said stretching before running should take care of it, but I’ve tried that and it doesn’t. Plus, I’ve always stretched before running … more than anyone I know!
I used to stretch so much I could put my head on either of my knees. I could even clasp hands behind my back! Not the easy way, but with one going over my shoulders and the other coming up to my shoulders.
I remember when I’d get friends to run with me and we’d be stretching and I’d be lying flat against my leg, they’d ask, “How do you that? I’m not even touching my toes and it hurts!”
I’d smile and say, “'Cause I’m not a wuss!”
Then I’d tell them, “Actually, it hurts like hell, but you have to push yourself and just embrace the pain. Then once you’re used to it, it doesn’t hurt any more.”
God, I miss that attitude! Where did it go? Now I’m a wuss.
I used to be able to push so freakin’ hard, harder than anyone around me, but now … something’s different. That might be a good thing though because it’s that attitude that put me into the shape I am today!
My problem is, I pushed too hard … until I developed “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”
-sigh-
I still miss that attitude I had. I could beat people at things that were stronger and better than me, just because I’d push harder … further out of my comfort zone than they were wiling to go out of theirs.
Anyway, the Doc said that biking would be a good alternative to running and that he’d recommend biking over running because running is harder on your joints.
I told him, “Running is my favorite exercise though. I used to run all the time and never had any problems, but now, my shins kill me!”
Oh well, I guess I have to learn to adapt.
This time, during the “ultrasound therapy,” I fell asleep. I don’t know why, but I just became so freakin’ tired.
After my appointment, Mom wanted to get something to eat, but I wasn’t really hungry. She wanted to go to Red Lobster, but I suggested the Olive Garden (again) so I could just get some soup and salad.
The waitress we had must have been new because I’ve never seen her there before, but she was a really cute blonde named Abby ... I think that was her name.
Anyway, Mom ordered soup and salad and Abby says, “Just so you know, it’s not $5.95, it’s $8.95 now.” I guess it’s $5.95 up until 4 p.m.
Mom says, “Yeah, I know.”
Abby says, “Okay. I just thought I'd let you know because some people act really devastated when they they get the check.”
Mom says, “Well, I’m fine with it.”
Over dramatically, I interject, “Not me! I’m devastated!”
Abby says, “Aww … do you need a hug?”
Not knowing if she was joking or not, I hang my head and pout, “I don’t know, I think I’ll be okay.”
She says, “Alright then, I’ll be out with your food. Do you want me to bring the salad and then the soup or is it okay if I just bring it all out at once. That might give your soup time to cool.”
Mom answers, “Yeah, that’ll be okay. You can just bring it all out.”
After Abby walks away, Mom says, “You’re such a goofball!”
I reply, “Yeah, well, I should have said, ‘Sure! I’ll take a hug from you any time!’”
Mom says, “Umm … I think she was going to give you a hug until you rejected her offer.”
Regretfully, I ask, “Really? Damn!”
Mom looks at me as if to suggest that I’m clueless. I defensively reply, “Well, I didn’t know if she was joking or not.”
Mom sighs and says, “Well, you missed out on a hug.”
“Damn!”
After we ate and after Abby brought back our change, she said, “You both have a goodnight.”
Quickly, I said, “Not to bug ya again, but since I was pretty devastated earlier and since I didn’t take a hug, could I get a peach tea to go.”
She laughs and smiles and says, “Sure.”
Mom added, “You can get me one too.”
When she brought them out, she was still smiling really big.
As we were leaving, Mom says, “I think you made her day.”
Sarcastically, I say, “Yeah, I’m sure she loves being flirted with and embarrassed by her customers.”
Mom says, “Well, sometimes during the course of your day it feels good to have someone pay you a little extra attention. All women love that.”
Anyway, I don’t know what it is with me these last several years, but it’s like there’s been some change.
It’s like several years ago, I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to anyone I didn’t already know because I felt I would be bothering them because I didn’t like it when strangers came up and started talking to me.
Now, it’s like I make a point to bother people. The thing is, most people don’t seem to mind. In fact, most people like talking to other people … even if they don’t know them.
I’ve tried to tell Greg that, but he still sees it as being annoying. Apparently so does Shahirah.
Plus, it seems like I get approached more and more. I mean, I wouldn’t say I get flirted with more (because I'm clueless when it comes to someone flirting with me), but it’s like I definitely have more women talking to me, which I cannot explain.
I mean, I’m the most out of shape I’ve ever been in my life and I have these long whiskers hanging from my chin, which Greg says makes me look like a Gnome, but it’s like I’m more approachable for some reason. My only explanation is that it has to do with my attitude.
 Okay, there’s a definite resemblance! Not just
only in physical characteristics, but in our behavior
too. Apparently this Gnome likes flashing his ass as
much as I do!
It’s like my perspective changed and that changed something else that makes people see me as approachable.
I actually had someone tell me that I come off as unapproachable once. She said it was like I purposely put out this vibe to let people know they should back off. The truth is, she was right.
But I can also honestly say it’s not because I was anti-social … I was just so fuckin’ tired all the time and didn’t want to have to waste any more energy than I had to. It’s like when you have CFS, physical energy becomes like a non-renewable resource, and you have to ration it out … prioritize it … which is not a fun way to live. It sucks!
Nothing has changed in that respect, I still have to push harder than others around me, but I guess I learned that it doesn’t require any more energy to talk to someone than to ignore them.
If anything, it’s your own thoughts that are exhausting!
Like for instance, I stated earlier that I use to view talking to someone as being tiring or bothersome because that’s how I would view it. The only reason I viewed it that way is because I imagined everyone wanting something from me, a favor or some kind of commitment, and I felt I just didn’t have it to give.
So it was my own thoughts that were exhausting. That probably doesn’t make sense to most people.
Anyway, even though I still have days where I give people that “STAY AWAY” vibe, I prefer being a more open and approachable person. It makes life more interesting and entertaining.
It’s like the time I asked the one waitress for her phone number and after she walked away, the people a couple tables away were giving me big smiles and thumbs up. The one woman even made an “okay” gesture with her fingers and winked at me!
I thought it was amazing that people I didn’t even know were rooting for me and giving me their approval of the waitress. It was hilarious! It was in that moment that I realized no one should ever take him/herself so seriously.
Life’s too short for that.
With that said, it’s time for me to be a hypocrite and take life too seriously.
I finally checked my mobile's voice mail, something I haven’t done in months, because Mom told me that when she called and tried to leave a message, it said my voice mail was full.
I had a lot of messages!
I had several from Shahirah.
There was a couple I think she left while in Perth for her graduation. They both had a lot of static and I could barely make out what she was saying, so I had to listen to them a couple times and I still only got about half of what she was saying.
In one, she said she had a gift for me she got a long while ago and wanted to know my address so she could mail it instead of having to carry it back with her. She said what the gift was, but I couldn't make it out.
Since I never got back with her, I doubt she still has it.
I’m fine with that, but the message she left this morning kind of made me sad.
She called to wish me “Happy Birthday.”
Why does that make me sad? IT’S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!
It’s times like this I feel like giving up with her. All I want is some proof that I mattered and still matter in some way, but it seems she almost always proves just the opposite.
I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much if she was that way with everyone, but I bet she knows the birthday of the person she hates. Plus, I bet she knows the birthday of people she barely knows. So how come she was off on mine? Not by days, but by a month.
There’s a part of me that thinks I shouldn’t care, especially when I have a cute, sweet, goofy friend like Shahira who calls every year and sings me the “Happy Birthday” song in her Marilyn Monroe voice.
I wonder if I could get her to do it in her hillbilly accent? Hmm. Even though that would be amusing, it would be a turn on if she did it in her British accent.
Here are a couple photos of the multi-talented (or perhaps it's multiple personalities) Shahira.
This is a photo of Shahira and me in Kuching. I'm the white block.
She said I could only use this photo if I cut myself out of it because
she's too beautiful to be seen with me.
This is Shahira before I got her pregnant
with twins and left her to farm her life away
in India. Kidding! That was her back-story idea
she gave me. The truth is, somehow she's
miraculously able to repel all my advances.
Still, even though I’m happy and privileged to have a wonderful friend like her in my life, she’s never professed her love for me (yet), so I expect less from her.
In contrast, she makes Shahirah look really bad because if someone that was never in love with you will go to that length … then what the hell is wrong with the person that did such a good job of convincing you she was?
It makes me feel like I believed a lie and that’s what I still have trouble with. I just want to know I was giving my heart to someone that appreciated it.
I mean, I still know Shahirah’s birthday. It’s October 13! Kidding!
Actually, hers is easy to remember because it’s the same day as my brother-in-law's.
Anyway, I don’t know if I should even bother to tell her or not. It’s not like she’ll care. Plus, if I just let it go, then she’ll probably forget my real birthday, which could be a good thing. I mean, if I tell her and she forgets, then not only did she forget once, but twice in one year!
That would make her 0/2 and leave me feeling even worse.
Honestly though, I don’t know why I should let it matter to me. It’s obvious, I guess I’m just not ready to accept it … yet.
Posted by: Shane
Posted at: 11:01 PM
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