I just got home a little while ago and logged onto MSN Messenger as soon as I got home to see if Shahirah was online because I told her I would. I did, however, tell her I’d be home around 1 or 2 a.m. when she called last night … not after 10 a.m.!
Well, she did tell me that she wouldn’t be home at that time anyway because of a group meeting, but she did say she might be online still. So I guess it didn’t matter because I doubt she was even online at that time if she was meeting with her group mates.
Anyway, I have a lot to write about, but I’ll do that later.
For now, I just want to write to get a feeling out, hoping it will help it subside.
It’s just that, while talking to Shahirah just now online and getting my ass kicked by her in Minesweeper, Tic-Tac-Toe, and Checkers … I’m feeling something for her that I don’t want to feel.
I don’t know why even!
I just think it’s the way she’s been lately. She has so seemed so focused on schoolwork and she feels like such a stronger person mentally and emotionally.
Plus, the fact that she whipped my ass so easily in the games we played is actually a turn on. Sure I’m tired as hell having been up all night so it wasn’t entirely fair, but I find it attractive that she wasn’t taking it easy on me.
Not to mention the fact that she sent me to her weblog to see a few photos of her to dispute a claim I made about the photo of her she was using on Messenger … which totally didn’t help. Seeing her just made the feeling worse!
I swear, she always looks good!
-sigh-
I don’t want to feel this way again! I fight it so much! I know love don’t last and it never works and you’re just setting yourself up for a big heartbreak, but your Heart still wants what it wants … ya know?
She’s still not feeling well I guess, so I’m trying to talk her into going to bed. Not so much because I want her to go, but I know she probably needs more sleep than she’s been getting. Plus, if I can’t talk to her, then maybe this feeling will subside.
