I just got home a little bit ago. Watching The X Files now. It's one of my favorites! I think it's called "Small Potatoes."
Earlier, I went over to Dad’s to meet Mom and Dan so we could take some measurements in the basement. I just don’t know how we’ll get this done in two weeks.
-sigh-
Anyway, that’s another story.
The reason I’m writing right now is because of a message I got from Shahirah on my mobile phone. Yup, apparently she has my mobile number too. I’m guessing my Mom or hers gave it to her. I don’t remember ever giving it to her or anyone else she knows.
The thing is, I lost my mobile phone back on November 6th. Well, let me go back a couple more days.
I met my Grandpa and my nephew on November 3rd to get my haircut. We usually go to the barbershop and get our hair cut together since you have to sit around and wait. Dad has been going to Larry, the barber, for 35+ years.
When I was a kid, I usually had to go to a beauty salon because I either went with my Mom or my Dad and they both went to salons. I didn’t mind salons, but I hate the superficial feeling you can get in those places.
I have, however, for about the last ten years been going to Larry. I definitely prefer the atmosphere of a barbershop. It’s usually just a bunch of guys, most of which are older, sitting around joking and talking about whatever.
I guess I also really like connecting with older generations. I really love learning from people who have “been there and done it."
Plus, it’s so neat how close knit some of these guys get. I mean, it’s so funny when they’re making fun of each other and telling stories about each other that may have happened 20+ years ago.
The main reason, however, I like going to a barber is because I prefer to wear my hair short so I don’t have to waste any time brushing it and barbers are better at short haircuts than beauticians/stylist or whatever they’re called.
I guess another reason I prefer a barbershop to a salon is because a salon seems more clinical. I mean, you have to make an appointment, wait, and you’re called in … it’s too much like going to a doctor and anyone that knows me knows how much I LOVE going to the doctor!
For those who don’t know me well enough, I was being sarcastic. I HATE going to the doctor!
I think the reason a lot of guys today prefer going to a salon is because they like a woman’s touch. My best friend said, “I like a woman running her fingers through my hair.”
It’s different for me I guess. Even though, like most people in the world, I like the feeling of someone continuously running their fingers through my hair ... it doesn’t do anything extra special for me if it's a woman. Sure, it might feel better, but I just need more intimacy to be able to feel anything like that.
Anyway, after we got our haircut, I talked my Grandpa into going to Cracker Barrel and eat because they serve “Broccoli Cheddar Chicken” on Wednesday nights … and I love it!
Mmmm
Afterwards, I went back to my Grandpa’s until it was time for Zach to go to bed. Zach asked me if I’d lie down with him until he fell asleep and reluctantly I agreed.
Well, I wasn’t really tired, but I fell asleep too. I don’t know if it’s because he sleeps in a King Size bed and I haven’t slept in a bed for years, but I was out like a light.
I got up Thursday (the 4th), went with my Grandpa to take Zach to school, and went to have breakfast. I eventually came back home and took a shower and got ready and headed back out to run a few errands.
Well, I met my Grandpa and Zach for supper. We went to T.G.I Friday's because that’s where Zach wanted to go. Since my Grandpa lives close by, I went back over there for a little while.
Once again, probably because I hadn’t been feeling good, I fell asleep … this time on the couch.
I woke up on Friday (the 5th) around 10 a.m. and fixed breakfast for Dad and myself. I drove all the way back home (I live a half-hour away) to shower and get ready. My Grandpa was fixing dinner so I went back over to eat with them.
I don’t know why, but again I got really tired and fell asleep on his couch around 6 p.m. This is the night that Shahirah called me at my Grandpa’s. I guess she called my Mom and Mom gave her Dad’s number.
I was asleep when she called, but Zach answered her call because Dad was on his mobile talking to his sister in Florida. Probably wanting me awake anyway, Zach woke me up and handed me the phone. I’m not sure what I said to her, but I know we didn’t talk for more than 30 seconds. I was just way too out of it.
I slept until 4 a.m. on Saturday, the 6th. Since everyone was asleep, I came home and showered and put on some comfy pjs. I remember having my cell phone because I cleaned the display because you all know how greasy they can get. I remember sticking it in the pocket of my flannel lounge pants.
Well, I had intended to put it on its charger, but fell asleep AGAIN (only a few hours after sleeping ten hours) before I made it upstairs to do so. When I woke up, like four hours later, I couldn’t find it. It stayed lost until November 12th.
I looked everywhere for my mobile phone. I checked down the recliner, under the cushions of the couch, down in the couch, in the car, and even back at my Grandpa’s just in case I dreamed having back here at home!
Guess where I found it!
You know how there are cushions on the back of the couch and they are usually separated and have that little space between them? Well, apparently when I was half-asleep, I had the good judgment to take my mobile out of my pocket so I wouldn’t crush it and set it on the back of the couch, where it eventually slid down between the back cushions.
I had my mobile with me all weekend and lost it yet again Sunday night. I found it on Tuesday between the driver seat and the center console. It said I had four voice mails and I tried listening to them, but my phone went dead before I could enter my PIN #.
I charged it Tuesday night and didn’t pick it up until today, err … yesterday now. While I was at my Grandpa’s, I remembered I had four voice mails … so I checked them.
To my surprise, one of them was Shahirah!
Once again, her message sounded kind of sad, or at least it made me feel sad … and I don’t know why. I don’t want to, but I can’t help it!
-sigh-
When I hear her voice and it sounds like the old Shahirah, it brings out those feelings I had at that time … even though I don’t want to feel them again.
It’s not that the difference between the old Shahirah and the one I stopped talking to was their level of sadness, they were both very sad and confused, it’s how sincere they sounded.
The Shahirah I was totally in love with and I thought loved me, she seemed so sincere and genuine … like everything she said and thought came from her Heart. I mean, there were times when she told me she loved me, that just the way she said it and the feeling she put into it … it could just about make me cry.
The Shahirah I stopped talking to was very superficial. She didn’t even feel like the same Shahirah to me. Everything was on a superficial level. Every time we talked, I could feel that difference … and it hurt to know it had to be that way.
Now, she feels like the old Shahirah, and it’s hard to maintain the indifference I’ve developed towards her.
Why does she have to keep calling me? Why, now, does she have to be her old, cute, sincere self? It makes me feel really bad if I just ignore her.
I already feel bad since she left the voice mail on my mobile on November 15th and she hasn’t heard anything from me. No matter how cold and indifferent I want to feel towards her, I can’t just let her call and open herself up, and then leave her hanging.
I guess I should send her a quick mail before going to bed.
-sigh-
I hate feeling weak. I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling.
