I was lying in bed this morning, before falling asleep, feeling bad because I realized I wasn’t totally there for anyone I talked to last night. I don’t know how anyone can talk to so many people and really carry on an “involved” conversation.
In my last post, I said I was talking to 3 people online, but I meant 3 other people than Shahirah … so 4 total. I don’t know how people do it!
I mean, to really have a conversation is to be giving of yourself, something hard to do when your attention is on 6-8 different things at the same time.
First, I still feel bad for Shahira. She’s a sensitive person, even though I think she tries to hide it. And even though I talked to her and feel I did pay enough attention, I guess I feel bad because I know how she must have been feeling.
So I guess I feel bad because I knew there was nothing I could do that would ease her pain. All I could really do is … just listen. That just makes you feel so useless.
Then there’s Maria, Shahirah’s Mom.
Not long after talking to Shahirah, I also got to talk to Maria.
She told me she was thinking about quitting her job, which I know is a big decision to make, but instead of just listening or offering any real advice … I was whining to her about how Mom needs to do the same exact thing because she gets so taken advantage of where she works. Actually, that seems to happen pretty much everywhere she works.
I’ll have to write about Mom another time!
Anyway, I guess I was hoping to make Maria feel good about her decision by illustrating that sometimes you need to stand up for yourself and make bold decisions, even though it’s almost always hard to do for one reason or another.
So I guess I thought if she saw how naïve Mom is being, only because she has a Heart that’s way too big for her own good, that Maria would feel better about her decision if that’s the choice she does make.
I really feel bad for Maria because I can tell she really likes where she works (which would be a reason it would be hard to make the bold decision to leave), but she said her new boss is deliberately making things difficult for her and therefore … making her work a lot more stressful.
Maria is very nice too, has put up with my whining in the past, but I think she has “healthy boundaries” and knows that you don’t always have to get taken advantage of to be a nice person. That’s why I’m not too worried about her.
She did say that she knows she has to watch out for her health after what happened a couple years back, so I know she knows not to let her job jeopardize her health … something I hope Mom knows.
Plus, Maria’s worried that Shahirah will worry if she quits her job because she’s still in school and gets help from her Mom. I know Maria knows that her daughter is a very high-stressed person to begin with and tends to be easily depressed and that’s why she doesn’t want her to worry about it. I can tell she wants Shahirah to get through her final year of school as stress-free as possible.
I really didn’t offer any advice, but I just hope Maria does what’s best for her because everything else will work itself out. It always does!
Now if I can remember to follow that same advice when I need it.
Lastly, there’s Shahirah.
I’m still not sure why she got upset, but the fact that she was upset means I must have let her down in some way, which makes me feel bad. I know I shouldn’t because she has really let me down in the past, but I can’t help but be me!
I just hope she realizes it wasn’t intentional.
Anyway, it looks like I need to set some “healthy boundaries” of my own. I shouldn’t feel guilty over things I have no control over.
